Copy and pasting my most recent neocities update:

I missed work today due to physical exhaustion, so I tried to set up a deployable Git repo to make uploading/deleting images easier. I couldn't understand the instructions and just stopped. I've alluded to this before, but I'm going to get into it again. I don't think I'm going to update this site as much as I did 2-3 years ago. The elephant in the room is obvious. Years ago I had multiple friend groups and a partner to motivate me, I don't have that anymore. After I lost that I was thrust into a family-financial issue and I'm juggling trying to make offline friends and work full time.

I'm this close to giving up on the former, honestly. I have a hotel room reserved for a con in June, but I'm so fucking tired of life and various bullshit, I went back to social media. And not gonna lie, this community often irritates me so much. It discourages me to work on a site I have little physical energy for and only 3 people will see. Having a zoomer spiel onto an unrelated status update last month and getting schizo emails convinving me to delete my site and get into crypto reminded me why I stopped checking here. (Don't tone police me, I don't care.) And I'm also tired of pretending my last relationship ended on good terms when it fucked me up. It's nobody's problem but mine, but it's another reason I avoid NC.

I'm turning off profile comments for awhile because it frustrates me and I don't like how the activity feed is diet Twitter. The guestbook and email is open but I'm slower to respond and less patient for random soapboxing. It's frusting how much I self-censor only for other people to mindlessly rant at me.

I'm fucking tired, boss. I'm probably going to get someone to explain Git deploying to me like I'm 5 for better art updates, but I rarely draw anymore. Hopefully my future tablet changes that.

Here's my semi-weekly entry of enstars shit I've done....

RINGING EVIL PHONE IS HERE IN ENG AND IT'S BEEN INCREDIBLE. I PROBABLY HAVE OTHER THINGS TO UPDATE ON BUT I'VE LOVED THIS SONG SINCE IT PREMIERED DURING THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY STREAM AND I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY IT'S HERE!!!! I first squeed about it during my brief but excited 9th anni stream post and then I did the deranged thing of saving the 500 login whistles screenshot of CN for 1.5 years just to see if ENG also got 500 whistles.

AND WE DID!!!!!!!!!!


told y'all I held onto the CN login page XD
Anyway, I got Natsume number four yesterday, so just one more to max!!!!!! I remember being sad that I wasn't able to get more than one copy in JP or CN, so I'm more than making up for it~ I got really lucky with the gacha and got two copies of Hokuto, so I have the whole shuffle and 110% rate up~

The story is even better than I remember....largely cuz I think I read the first half when it released and forgot to go back to read the second half D: So now that I've read it in English, it's even funnier~ Ms. Akuma being the mangaka's name made me cackle out loud XD

OH GOD WAIT, OTHER EXCITING THINGS HAPPENED IN ENGSTARS THIS PAST WEEK!!!!!!!! The new face kiddos (Esu, Ibuki, Kanna, Yume, and Raika) are finally here, which is so fucking wild.....still feels like they just got revealed recently but it's been two years now :0 And the merge game is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY FAVORITE GLOBALSTARS EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

still kicking myself for not maxing HiMERU the first year ngl

BUT!! This year's was a complete surprise, since Liz and I both thought it'd be someone without a global exclusive card....but nope!!! It's Ritsu, who already has one~ And the first scout box 5* is Makoto, who also already has one (though his was a promo one for a collab, so that makes more sense). This year's theme is a breath of fresh air, since last year's felt like a less good version of the year before...


NOT THIS TIME, THOUGH!!! this time the merge is computer and video game themed!!!! I love it *w*
Usually Ritsu and I have beef because he betrays me in the gacha but this theming is soooooo good. His card is super cute + I love the outfit, and I actually managed to get Makoto in CN!!!! I didn't go for him in ENG cuz I'm saving all my resources for Ringing evil phone, so I'm glad I got him somewhere. I'm aiming to max him in both ENG and CN, but we'll see...ENG is my priority for sure!!!! Though the second half is delayed in ENG cuz of our server anniversary, so there's less chance of burning out on merging like what happened last year.

In JP enstars news, I had some great gacha luck and solo'd a second copy of Niki's BMU card!!!! So I'm set for the big year end tour event- STREAM EX: ONLY YOUR STARS!. I have mixed feelings about the song, since it's a different version of a song we already had (much like the tour back in February), but.......the ability to make your otp do a duet at the end is unmatched.


they can never take Double Face from me ;w;


also there's a really cool mini campaign thing with stars and constellations and I'm gay I love them so much ♥
Anyway. That's it for enstars news (for now) because....I have a job interview next week!!!!!! The adult store company I worked for is finally hiring at one of their remaining Baltimore locations, and the district manager promised that anyone who'd been laid off from the closed store could be rehired if there were available positions. It's sadly part time instead of full time, but part time is still better than nothing at all. So I just have to interview and I should be good to go *w*

They can't keep from the dildos forever~

uhhhhhhhhh

oh my god it's gotten so hot I'm fuckin dyin D:

OH RIGHT. We rearranged our bedroom some and I'm loving it but I'm tired of writing this entry, so I'll try to take some pics and update y'all on my refreshed living space soon!!!

Moontime began today morning, right as I woke up. Turns out napping is what works to relieve the cramps better than anything else. This is not good news for workplaces that don't want to give menstrual leave.

I've been reading Haroun and the Study of Mischief by Lynn Strong and it's the perfect moontime read. It's comforting and hilarious and all the characters are a delight. It's set in a fantasy world that feels close to home. My South Asian self rarely encounters such a thing. I don't often want to escape to a world that feels close to home, but here I do. So that's a novel feeling!

I bleed so heavy that I need to use pads most of the time and change around 8 times a day. I prefer period panties on my light days, but on my heavy days it has to be pads because washing a pile of period panties is exhausting. Four days of my period are heavy, so that's a lot of pads I run through. I was unhappy about the prices of organic pads and the hazardousness of the inorganic ones, but I recently found organic bamboo pads that are 400 rupees, or $4, for a pack of 40 pads 320mm long! I'm using them now and they're really nice. Comfortable, handle my flow, don't make me sweat. And they're unbleached!

It seems that there's a factory churning them out cheap and supplying it to brands (white labelling) because when I search for organic bamboo pads, they all have the same wrapper but are being sold as different brands. There are some being sold as a generic lot with no box or brand, and with the same wrapper, like this lot. I just thought that was interesting, lol. I'm going to stick to the brand I bought because they come with additional individual disposal bags that you can reseal.

Writing remains frustratingly difficult for me at the moment, so I'm continuing to channel my creative energy into archiving my existing stories, this time on Neocities. My little archive is such a try-hard endeavor, with slightly different styles for each fandom, meaning that I have way too many stylesheets for such a small project. ^^; But it's been a lot of fun and keeps me from spiraling into anxiety or depression.

The rest of my Neocities is still in shambles, though. Eventually, I want to have a nice little site with some pages for my main fandoms, and maybe a little mini-shrine or two for my favorite characters (remember character shrines? I thought those were the pinnacle of coolness twenty, twenty-five years ago, and my opinion hasn't changed). I'm really not well-versed in CSS, but thankfully, there are so many tutorials out there, that's not a problem.

My creative expression is looking very different these days; I miss writing, but as long as I'm using my brain and playing around with words and pretty graphics, I feel pretty good. I'm hoping that someday, this all might circle back around to making new stories to archive and share. :)

My mother made me talk to an arranged marriage match. Oh, the joys of being an Indian daughter.



Here's a snapshot of our Whatsapp conversation. Guess how badly it went 😆

( Screenshot )
Alt text for the screenshot:

Audacious Guy: you consider yourself a humorous person?
Long-suffering Indian Daughter: my jokes are not everyone’s cup of tea
Audacious Guy: high iq jokes ah?
Long-suffering Indian Daughter: you could say that
Audacious Guy: cool
Long-suffering Indian Daughter: 😎
Audacious Guy: how do you feel normally everyday?
Audacious Guy: like privileged, entitled… ala
Audacious Guy: or better than everyone else..
Long-suffering Indian Daughter: i feel emotionally self-sufficient
Audacious Guy: why do you need a partner then

Some context: 'ala' is a filler word in Telugu. It means something like 'and so on', 'like that', 'or some such'.

Some more context: this is our first (and last! lol) conversation, so it wasn't a case of familiarity breeding rudeness. I asked him what's important to him in life, and in marriage, and then since I was the one asking these questions and he was just asking them back to me, I asked him if he had any questions for me. The 'are you humorous' question was the first one he asked, and the 'are you entitled' question was the second.
( Read more... )

I'm working 37 hours this week! I want to cross-post more shitposts and general blogging onto here, but my brain turns to mush the moment I turn on my PC.

I will say this:

- I start working full-time next month
- I will buy a tablet for portable digital art
- My time off request for TFS was approved and I pre-registered on the 3rd. So I have a mini vacation upcoming mid-June...
- I will become a homeowner... some time in the near future. The situation behind that is NOT GOOD but I'd rather not get into it. But the house I currently live in will be in my name in the coming years.
- I'm thinking about traveling out of state next year? Full-time = I can take paid vacation, which is good for cons and other things. I've been morbidly curious about Mare Fair after attending Harmonycon and this year is trying to clean up on their act and ban the controversial stuff, so if they're still going in 2027 I might see if I can go? (I'm not a fan of Florida but it's very close by state-wise, lol) I shouldn't think about this until after TFS, but I really need to feel like an adult. "Reserving a hotel room by myself" is nothingburger for other people, but it was a big deal for me. So is potentially traveling alone. I guess I'm technically "level 2" autism but I realize I could become level 1 if I had a car/could drive. I don't know, I need to think about it.
- I'm trying to talk to Derpibooru about redacting my DNP so I can upload new fanart.
- I still have a backlog of messages to answer and DMs to send people :(
- I need to paint my mom's birthday present :( The last day of TFS is on my mom's birthday and I plan on coming home from the hotel then, so I need to have it ready by early June. But she wanted me to paint a LPS custom for her.
- Been really into cooking fish for the past month. I eat salmon for breakfast almost every morning. I semi-perfected my technique and everything. I like buying salmon at work that's been discounted because its expiration is today, throwing it in the freezer keeps it good for several days.
- I had a virtual appointment last week for PMDD... But I forgot blood clots run in my family, so I haven't filled the prescription for the birth control I was prescribed. I'm really frustrated. I might have to go to an in-person clinic, but between working 40hr weeks starting May and the con in June, I don't know when :/ TFS will NOT be when I'm PMSing though (unlike TFF), so I'll be safe at least.